When my Friend Died

(German version below)

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In my whole life almost none I was close to died. Of course I knew that this would change someday, but most often things happen differently and also at a different time than you expect them. This was the case for me a year ago.
I was absolutely overwhelmed since a good friend of mine died. My heart broke painfully and I had no idea how to deal with it. Most of the nights, I cried myself into sleep and at daytime I had no appetite and stared at old photos. Photos which made feel the moment of the past once more.
Sadly there is no secret recipe that helps your heart to heal faster. It hurts, even these days it really does hurt – especially at this time of the year. The difference from now compared to last year is, that I look differently at the same pictures. It is no longer the case that I am sad for all the moments we never had. Right now I smile at those pictures and feel so grateful for those memories. A while ago I read in a book that you don’t leave the concert of your favorite band with a sad face, because the music stopped playing. You leave the concert being happy while you are still feeling the sound of the music in your heart. This is what I try to do with the memories of my friend and me. I either feel the moment by thinking of it, by writing a letter or by talking to someone. If you remember something together, the memory seems more real and more beautiful.
Of course even if you think in such a positive way it is still hard every now and then, which is totally fine! In such case I try to take as much time as I need for myself. Sometimes I spend it alone, sometimes with others. But the most important thing is that you never forget that life goes on. No matter if you are at your worst or at your best. It is important to take care of yourself and to make sure that you never forget what it feels like to have fun and to laugh.

 

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In meinem ganzen Leben habe ich kaum einen Menschen verloren, wobei mir natürlich klar war, dass sich das irgendwann ändern würde. Die Dinge kommen jedoch meistens anders als erwartet und noch dazu zu einer überraschenden Zeit; und genau das war vor einem Jahr bei mir der Fall.
Für mich hat sich alles etwas überschlagen als eine gute Freundin von mir starb. Ich hatte keine Ahnung wie ich damit umgehen sollte, weinte mich in den Schlaf, hatte keinen Appetit und starrte auf alte Fotos. Fotos, die mich für einen kurzen Moment die damalige Situation erneut durchleben ließen.
Für solche schlimmen Ereignisse gibt es kein Rezept, das einem hilft die Trauer schnell zu bekämpfen. Es tut weh, selbst heute tut es mir noch sehr weh – Gerade zu dieser Zeit im Jahr. Jedoch anstatt die nie erlebten Momente zu beweinen, betrachte ich die Fotos inzwischen mit einem breiten Lächeln und unglaublicher Dankbarkeit, dass ich diese Situation miterleben durfte. In einem Buch habe ich mal gelesen, dass man ja auch nicht nach dem Besuch seines Lieblingskonzerts unglücklich nach Hause geht, weil die Musik zu spielen aufgehört hat. Man verlässt das Konzert strahlend und lässt die Musik noch eine ganze Weile im Kopf weiterlaufen. Genau das versuche ich mit den Erlebnissen von meiner Freundin und mir auch zu tun, entweder im Kopf, in einem Brief oder indem ich mit anderen darüber rede. Sich gemeinsam zu erinnern macht die Erinnerung in dem Moment noch lebendiger und schöner.
Natürlich hat man auch mit dieser Einstellung seine Tiefs und das ist vollkommen okay. Ich versuche mir dann immer alle Zeit zu nehmen, die ich dann für mich brauche. Mal muss ich dafür alleine sein, mal benötige ich Gesellschaft. Das Wichtigste dabei ist nur, dass man nie vergisst, dass das Leben weitergeht; egal wie gut oder schlecht es gerade läuft. Es ist wichtig, dass man sich selbst nicht vernachlässigt; dass man nicht vergisst, was es heißt Spaß zu haben und zu lachen.

 

If you’re in a similar situation I send you lots of love! Stay strong ♥
Much Love,
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2 thoughts on “When my Friend Died

  1. I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend. They never really do leave us when they die. I had a very good friend in college named Cameron. We spent every day together. He’d read me his poetry, we’d watch cartoons before college classes, and we’d talk about everything. It’s amazing I actually passed my classes with how much time I spent not doing schoolwork with him. Although we’d only been good friends for a couple of years, he was so special to me. Then, he died at the age of 20. His death was so hard for me.

    It is now about 20 years later. I’ve lost other friends, and I watched my dad die at the age of 55 too. I’m also an EMT, so I’m always watching people on the edge of mortality. Yet, I still think often about Cameron. Nothing truly fills that hole, but fond memories are the gifts they’ve left for us.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m sorry for the loss of your friends, too! You’re right, they don’t leave us, a part of them is still here and will always be.
      To me it sounds like the two of you had a very good time, filled with happiness and wonderful memories which is so valuable. It doesn’t matter if you knew each other for ages, since a good friendship isn’t defined by a number of years. It’s about the memories and the way the person made you feel.

      Liked by 2 people

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